Bush Mocked by Colbert. Carrot Top Attacked in Retaliation
Bush aides, "We are fighting Carrot Top in Vegas so we don't have to fight Colbert in New York."
Washington D.C.--Several aides close to the president have revealed that the secret service police force have been dispatched to the Vegas home of the comedian Carrot Top to deal with the grave and gathering treat of program related comedy material. "Look, Carrot Top is the real threat. It is a well known fact that Stephen Colbert met with Carrot Top several times in a gym in Vegas to exchange material or "chunks" and "bits" for Colbert's devastating appearance in D.C. two nights ago." said an unindicted White House senior staff member who demanded anonymity.
Sec. Def. Donald Rumsfeld was quoted as saying. "Did I like Colbert's routine? No. Do I think he had the right to say it? You bet. Will I allow others to mock the president? Not on your life!" The Sec. Def. went on to say, "Bibbity Bobbity Boo. Carrot Top is Magica Boola and must be dealt with."
Condoleeza Rice, Sec. State, supported the SS police's attack. "No one could have anticipated Colbert's remarks. He has never attacked the president before. We didn't even know he was against the President until last night. Carrot Top on the other hand has long been known for his biting political satire and his explosive colored hair in the shape of a cloud."
Heard by NSA agents over a VPN line was CTU agent Jack Bauer in an undisclosed location in LA,, "We have to find Carrot Top. NOW. There is NO TIME. He has deadly words and I've promised the President I WILL DEAL WITH IT. We can't wait until he unleashes his routine. THERE IS NO TIME." He then asked Chloe O'Brien to hack into Carrot Top's comedy routine.
When reached for comment at his undisclosed location (12498 Carlyle Street, Tysons Corner VA, between Main and Center street second door up from the red house) Vice President Cheney said, "Grrr. Arrrgh."
Karl Rove, President Bush's most trusted adviser said totally off the record on double secret background, "Homo's adopting babies. Wetbacks taking your jobs. Iran's got The Bomb and will Nuke Israel. Hillary Clinton? Lesbo. Colbert? Pedo. Carrot Top? Buff. Hung."
--Reporting from Washington, Karen Ryan
Carrot Top moments after SS attack in Vegas.
--Hat tip to Sharoneym for the original idea.
Washington D.C.--Several aides close to the president have revealed that the secret service police force have been dispatched to the Vegas home of the comedian Carrot Top to deal with the grave and gathering treat of program related comedy material. "Look, Carrot Top is the real threat. It is a well known fact that Stephen Colbert met with Carrot Top several times in a gym in Vegas to exchange material or "chunks" and "bits" for Colbert's devastating appearance in D.C. two nights ago." said an unindicted White House senior staff member who demanded anonymity.
Sec. Def. Donald Rumsfeld was quoted as saying. "Did I like Colbert's routine? No. Do I think he had the right to say it? You bet. Will I allow others to mock the president? Not on your life!" The Sec. Def. went on to say, "Bibbity Bobbity Boo. Carrot Top is Magica Boola and must be dealt with."
Condoleeza Rice, Sec. State, supported the SS police's attack. "No one could have anticipated Colbert's remarks. He has never attacked the president before. We didn't even know he was against the President until last night. Carrot Top on the other hand has long been known for his biting political satire and his explosive colored hair in the shape of a cloud."
Heard by NSA agents over a VPN line was CTU agent Jack Bauer in an undisclosed location in LA,, "We have to find Carrot Top. NOW. There is NO TIME. He has deadly words and I've promised the President I WILL DEAL WITH IT. We can't wait until he unleashes his routine. THERE IS NO TIME." He then asked Chloe O'Brien to hack into Carrot Top's comedy routine.
When reached for comment at his undisclosed location (12498 Carlyle Street, Tysons Corner VA, between Main and Center street second door up from the red house) Vice President Cheney said, "Grrr. Arrrgh."
Karl Rove, President Bush's most trusted adviser said totally off the record on double secret background, "Homo's adopting babies. Wetbacks taking your jobs. Iran's got The Bomb and will Nuke Israel. Hillary Clinton? Lesbo. Colbert? Pedo. Carrot Top? Buff. Hung."
--Reporting from Washington, Karen Ryan
Carrot Top moments after SS attack in Vegas.
--Hat tip to Sharoneym for the original idea.
11 Comments:
Brilliant! You had me guffawing by "Bibbity Bobbity Boo."
But the last bit quoting Rove is MARVELOUS!
Oh, and the byline at the bottom is Perfect.
Hats off to you!
Thanks! Tell your friends!
Curious, how did you hear of this?
Majority Report? First Draft?
saw this at Digby's...[Monty Burns]eggsellent!!![/Monty Burns]
Love it! Saw it hidden in the comment thread at First Draft.
Too funny! Recent intell suggests that Carrot Top is associated with Al-Quiche, a terrorist organization noted for carrying around large trunks full of props.
It is also rumored that their leader Gallagher has been instrumental in the development of ISW's, Improvised Smashed Watermellons.
Spocko, you archives just give XML -- help!
Hi Joe: Could you please be more specific? I'm happy to look into it if you could tell me what you were looking for and what gave XML.
Thanks
Spocko
hisstorymn, Hunter of Da Snark said...
Al-Quiche! Ha. I remember when a friend had a commerical out
"Come on down to Bin-Laden Motors and talk to Big Al Quida!"
Thanks for stopping by. Glad you enjoyed it.
spocko,
did you meet with that radio station bigwig yet?
Y'know the one who was mad about yr letter writing campaign.
I'm sorry, I mean you're extraordinarily effective letter writing campaign.
anyway, when you meet with him, write up a post about it and blogwhore over at Eschaton, K?
sorry, last was me
justathought
justathought. Nope. Will post more about it soon.
Thanks for stopping by.
LLAP,
Spocko
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