What if, after a disaster, Big Government treated people with the same cruelty that right-wing conservative Christian politicians say they want? What would that look like?
Dear Crushed Homeowner:
In the past you bitched about Big Government. That’s me. You voted people in place who said they hate Government. You have constantly railed against all Government spending–except War. Well, now is the time when you need Big Government. I’m betting today you have changed your tune since it is YOUR turn for help. Well guess what? Fuck you! HA!
For years I have been keeping track of what you said you wanted and who you voted into office. You said, “I don’t want Big Government!” Congrats! You win! No Big Government help for you!
Your neighbors, the dirty hippies who voted against the war, for a safety net and for people who believe in government, they will get help, but you won’t. As Thomas Friedman would say, “Suck. On. This!”
I can hear you screaming now, “But I’m a TAX PAYER!” Here’s the thing, I have implemented, at your insistence I might add, PAYGO and tax revenue profiles matched specifically to viewpoints. You can now know what each tax payer’s dollars were used for based on what you have said you want.
With my new accounting software I can see that the taxes you paid in last year have gone to pay for one tail fin assembly of a GBU-31. This bomb was used to blow up a building. I can’t tell you which building or why because you didn’t pay enough to know that. However, we did exactly what you wanted, none of your tax dollars were spent on any kind of food programs, safety net or aid programs for anyone, including you. Maybe you should have been more specific on who you were denying help to. Too bad you forgot the phrase, “There but for grace of God go I.”
BTW, stop trying to get your neighbors (or Blue states) to help you. Is that what John Galt would do? They should not give you anything. Being good liberals they will ignore me and still help you, kind of like the Christian you pretend to be. Being generous outside your tribe is different than being generous inside it. For a long time I’ve tried to see the entire country as “my tribe.” But I’m listening and learning from you, It’s all PAYGO now, I can’t afford to carry you. You said you don’t want me. Fine. I won’t show up.
You think you will get help from your church? Ha, as if they can scale for this disaster. I can scale, after all I’m Big Government, and I could do it without discrimination too, but why should I? The churches discriminate against the HOMOs and that’s cool with you. You said you don’t want me. Okay. No help from me. (I still give then a break by not requiring they pay taxes for all the services I provide, maybe I should reconsider their free ride.)
The NSA folks tell me what you actually say and do. I know you love Ayn Rand and her fictional character John Galt. I’m curious, which corporations will step in to make money on your disaster? Remember, unlike me, they have to make a profit. Could any of them do it without my support? I see you didn’t buy any flood insurance, even the expensive non-government backed kind. That was stupid. You gambled that some poor sucker liberal blue stater congressperson will make me cover you. Wrong! And your friends who signed with those for profit insurance companies? It looks like they are screwing over the survivors of Hurricane Sandy. I was going to do some regulation, but I heard you hate that, ‘Get Big Government off the backs of Business! Done! I’m taking a page from your book, Atlas Shrugged. Who’s the parasite now?
I’m sure you’ll stick to your Rand and will shun any company looking for government handouts in this disaster. If you see any company getting money from me, run away from them and the tainted Government Welfare money! I’ll bet a bunch of them will ignore their “hate” of Big Government–if I send them checks. Saying they hate me in public while taking my money in private is very fashionable. Disaster Capitalism is the New Black.
Remember your dream of a Government so small that you could “drown it in a bathtub?” I’m drowning here trying to help everyone as well as getting my wars on, so I have to cut some dead weight. You. Would you help people who hate you and keep trying to kill you? I might be big but I’m not stupid.
I’ll bet right about now you wish I would help you. Well I’m not. I’m going to take you at your word. I can’t look into your heart and see what you really believe. Maybe it’s all an act, and you really care about other Americans. I’m sure you are nice to dogs. But all I know is what I heard you say and who I saw you voting for. You said the nasty cruel words. You voted for the others who said the same things. These are the consequences of those words and actions.
You said we should cut Big Government and run it like a business. So I am. I’m writing you off. You are no longer an asset. I delivered only the services you said you wanted. Contract closed. Coffee is for closers.
It’s too bad in your hate of all things “government” you didn’t think you would ever be in need. You believed that the only welfare you would ever get would be the Corporate kind filled with Big Government contracts. Maybe you will be lucky next time. I hope you like this new lean, mean Small Government, it’s what you said you always wanted.
Sincerely,
Small Government
(Formerly Big Government)
P.S. Oh and you know that joke that your Saint Ronald the Reagan used to say were the most terrifying words in the English language, “We’re from the government and we’re here to help?”
You win! You are never ever going to hear that from me.
If you would like to hear a dramatic reading of this letter here is the
Photo by Kevin Beaty Creative Commons license
